


You're Alright, Love

by olgushka



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Crossdressing, F/M, Friendship, Gender Confusion, Gender Issues, Genderfluid, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-14
Updated: 2017-05-14
Packaged: 2018-10-31 19:48:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,571
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10906251
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/olgushka/pseuds/olgushka
Summary: Josh has a hard time coming to terms with who he is.





	You're Alright, Love

**Author's Note:**

> Inspiration: [Bry - _You're Alright_](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cnSeNoKdHBs)

They've reached that comfortable stage of friendship where bursting into the bathroom when one of them takes a shower or bath doesn't feel weird anymore, especially when they have to share a hotel room. So it's no different this time when there's a sharp knock on the door before it flies open and Tyler rushes in, immediately turning in the toilet bowl direction.

„I'll be real quick.” He says, fiddling with the zipper of his jeans. „Mark wants to meet me downstairs and I really need to pee.” The loud splashing sound and a sigh of relief follows seconds later. „There's a really nice fitness room on the ground floor, if you're interested.” Tyler continues. „Their treadmills look pretty good.” He flushes the toilet, washes his hands and turns to look at Josh, who sits frozen at the edge of the bathtub with eyes wide open and panic painted on his face. Tyler frowns and stares at him for a long moment. „Are you shaving your legs?”

Josh blushes and looks away, tightening his grip on the shaving cream tube he holds in his hand. He hides the razor behind his back. 

„It's perfectly normal for a guy to shave his legs.” He mumbles, avoiding any eye contact with Tyler.

„I know it's normal.” The singer assures. „I’m just surprised because you've never done it before. So, why are you doing this?”

„It doesn't matter. Why do you care?” Josh snaps angrily and Tyler takes a step back, surprised by the harsh tone.

„I don't.” He says quickly, raising his hands in defeat. „I mean, I _do_ care. But this is your body and you can do whatever you want with it, so there's no need to get angry.”

„I'm sorry, I just-”

„You don't need to explain anything, okay? I gotta go.”

„No... Tyler, wait!” Josh stands up but Tyler is already opening the door and disappearing in the hallway.

„I'll see you later! Mark is waiting!” He yells before he shuts the door and the silence fills the room.

\- - -

„What do you think about guys who shave their legs?” Tyler asks Jenna later that night.

„Well, I’ve never thought about it before. I don’t really mind, I guess? Whatever makes them feel good.” She shrugs, flipping the page of a thick book.

„Huh.”

„Why are you asking?” Jenna looks up at him. „Do you want to shave your legs?”

„What? No! It’s not about me.” He climbs up onto the bed and under the covers. „I was just wondering. Isn’t it _weird_ when a guy is completely hairless in places he shouldn’t really be?”

„Hair doesn't make anyone more or less of a man.” She sighs and tries to focus on the book again. „You shave your armpits. And your pubic hair.”

„I trim it, Jenna! Trim it!”

„Whatever. It's all about personal choice. You trim your hair. Someone else shaves it. Why is it such a big deal?”

„It’s not.”

„Great.” She nods. „Now, go to sleep. I need to finish this chapter.”

\- - -

They're never sick of each other so tour breaks still consist of Skyping, texting and calling each other almost every day even if there's nothing new to talk about.

„Jenna is making banana bread.” Tyler says, half-lying on the kitchen table with his phone in front of him. „She says it's the highest time for me to get rid of my hatred for bananas. Quoting her, she will make me _love them_ now.” He groans and his wife giggles in the background.

„I'm booking you the first available flight to Los Angeles.” Josh gasps with a fake dramatism. „Distract her – maybe knock her out, pack your bag and sneak out. Run, Tyler. Run until you still have the chance!”

„Too late, mate. I’m chained to this chair, I can't move an inch.”

„Oh...” Josh quirks his eyebrow. „Kinky.” 

„Shut up.” Tyler laughs but then sighs loudly and props his chin on the table. „I miss you.”

„I miss you too.”

„Jeez, guys. It's been only a week!” Jenna throws her hands in the air.

„Doesn't matter. I will always miss my drummer.”

„And I will always miss my lead singer.” Josh says and pretends to wipe his non-existent tears.

„Dude!” Tyler yells suddenly and sits up, keeping his phone close to his face. „Is that nail polish?”

„W-what?”

„Show me your hand!”

„Have you watched any of the movies I recommended you yet?” Josh asks instead, trying to change the subject.

„Show. me. your. hand!” Tyler demands, amused. „Now!” He waits until Josh stops mumbling under his breath and finally lifts his hand up and wiggles his fingers in front of the camera. „Dude, it's _pink_!”

„What? Let me see.” Jenna wipes her hands on a dish cloth and stands behind Tyler's chair to look at the screen and bright pink color on Josh’s fingernails.

The drummer blushes visibly and moves his hand out of the camera's reach.

„I was just being silly, I don't know why I did that, it was stupid-”

„It's pretty.” Jenna says.

„What?” Josh looks up to stare at her and Tyler turns around with raised eyebrows asking the same short question.

„Well, I like it! It's pretty. Looks good on you. It matches your hair!” She says excitedly, winks and waves at him before disappearing from the view.

\- - -

„Have you noticed anything weird about Josh's... _behavior_ recently?” Tyler asks casually, playing with his phone and spinning it in his hand.

„I don’t think so.” Jenna murmurs focusing on the recipe. „Brown sugar. I need brown sugar.” She says to herself and reaches into the cupboard. She looks at Tyler again and gives him her full attention. „Why?” 

„No reason.” He shrugs and starts scrolling through Twitter.

„Is this about the nail polish?” She tilts her head to the side, frowning.

„No.”

„You’re a bad liar.” Jenna laughs and goes back to mixing butter and brown sugar in a bowl.

\- - -

Searching for something in each other's bags is nothing new. Personal things and clothes tend to mix together when there's a lot of time pressure always hanging above their heads.

The curtain to Josh's bunk flies open and he looks up from his phone. Tyler stands there, rotating a small golden tube in his fingers.

„What's this?” He asks.

„I don't know. You tell me.”

„This is a lipstick, Josh. Red lipstick.”

„Yeah? Cool.” Josh focuses on the screen again.

„It was in your suitcase.”

Josh freezes. The phone falls out of his grip and hits him right in the face. He moans in pain and massages his nose. Then, he looks up at Tyler again.

„You were going through my stuff?”

„I was looking for a clean t-shirt.” Tyler shrugs. „So?”

„So... what?”

„Whose lipstick is this?”

„Well, obviously not mine. And I'm not hiding any secret lovers in the tour bus if you were wondering. It's probably Ashley's.”

„What would Ashley's lipstick do in your bag?”

„I don't know. I always find my sister's crap everywhere.” Josh says but the look on Tyler's face doesn't seem like he's convinced by this explanation. „Is your little investigation over or...?”

Tyler stares at him for a long moment, not saying anything. Then he nods and closes the curtain again.

\- - -

„He's hiding something from me.” Tyler murmurs, sitting on the couch next to his wife.

„I thought you don't keep any secrets from each other?” Jenna raises her eyebrows and takes a sip of her tea.

„I thought so too.”

\- - -

Shopping for clothes together is always fun. Most of the time, they make fun of the newest trends and joke about how good the other one would look in certain shoes or pants.

Tyler's rambling. He walks around the shop with Josh hot on his heels and tells him a story about a fan he met a few hours earlier. He doesn't stop talking when he picks up a pair of dark skinny jeans and holds them in front of him, trying to stretch the waist.

„And then she- Oh, I like these. I think I will try them on.” He turns around but instead of Josh, he's met with a confused look on a random woman face. Josh is nowhere to be seen and Tyler realizes he's been talking to himself out loud this whole time. He fake-coughs and sends her an awkward smile before taking a step back and fleeing from the jeans section.

He makes his way back to the front of the shop, looking around. He's about to reach for his phone and call the drummer but then the sight of pink hair sticking from underneath the baseball cap catches his attention. He rolls his eyes and approaches Josh, who doesn't move an inch from the spot he's standing in. Tyler notices that they're in the woman section and Josh stares at the leather skirts in front of him. He stops next to the drummer and puts his hands in the pockets if his jeans.

„This one's nice, isn't it?” He says and points to the knee-length skirt. 

Josh jumps up at the sudden voice behind his back and looks at Tyler like he forgot that they came shopping together. 

„Y-yeah? I mean, yeah. I thought- Uh.” He scratches the back of his neck and clears his throat. „It's Abby's birthday soon and I thought I could buy her... Uhm. This. She would like it. She likes leather.”

„I can name one more person who likes leather just as much and this skirt would look good on them.” Tyler smirks.

"Who?"

Tyler looks him straight in the eyes and sends him a meaningful glance. Josh's eyes widen with realization. 

„Josh, it's okay. I was-”

„It's okay? What is okay? What the heck are you implying?” The harsh tone is back and Josh’s reaction confuses Tyler even more every second.

„I'm not implying anything, I'm just saying that-”

„Whatever.” Josh cuts him off. „I don't know what kind of ridiculous _fantasies_ are flashing through your brain right now and I don't want to know.”

„Fantasies?” Tyler stares. „Josh, I was only joking!” 

„I don't care. You're really stupid if you think that I would-” He falls silent and bites his bottom lip. He shakes his head and pushes the hoodie and two t-shirts he chose earlier into Tyler's arms. „You know what, I'm not in the mood for shopping anymore.”

Before Tyler can open his mouth to speak, Josh storms out of the shop.

\- - -

„He flipped out on me in the middle of the shopping center.” Tyler hisses, pulling Jenna into the tour bus bathroom and locking the door behind them. „He snapped when I joked that a leather skirt would look good on him.”

„You would probably freak out too if I said that a dress would look good on you in a place full of other people.” She whispers.

„It was a joke! We used to joke like that all the time and suddenly it becomes an issue? Jenna, look. There's something really weird going on. He shaves his legs - I already caught him three… No, four times. He paints his nails. Pink! I found a tube of red lipstick in his bag. He stares at woman clothes like they're made of real gold.”

„So...” She quirks her eyebrow. „You think that Josh-”

Before she can finish, he nods and rubs his eyes.

„I’m not entirely sure but everything - his behavior, his reaction... It just speaks for itself at this point.” Tyler sighs. „How do I talk to him about this? How do I mention it without him freaking out even more?”

„You don't.”

„What?” 

„You don't. Do you hear me? You don't. If what you're saying is true, he's probably scared and confused. You won't help him with prying. He knows that he can talk to you about anything. He needs to figure that out himself, let him come to you first. Not the other way round.”

\- - -

Being in Los Angeles means sleepovers.

„I'm actually shocked that you didn't tell me to find _some nice hotel_ this time.” Tyler smirks, dropping his bag in the middle of the hallway of Josh's flat. „It would make me start to question our friendship.”

„I was in the middle of moving in! There was no surface for you to sleep on! I had to sleep on the most uncomfortable old sofa for a week before they delivered my bed.”

„So you're saying that we couldn't squeeze on the sofa? Are you saying I'm fat?”

„The fattest guy I've ever met. You should start a diet.” Josh rolls his eyes. „I can still kick you out and you'll have no other option than to find a _nice hotel_ if you're not gonna stop bullying me over that one time when I couldn’t let you stay over.”

„You wouldn't dare.”

„You don't know that.” Josh grins. „Would you like something to drink?”

„Red Bull?” Tyler says, kicking off his shoes. 

„You're lucky. Surprisingly, I restocked yesterday.” The drummer says, throwing a can of Red Bull to Tyler. „I'm gonna order pizza and take a quick shower before they deliver.” 

„Alright.” The singer agrees and throws himself on the couch in the living room. He props his feet on the coffee table, making himself comfortable.

„I was gonna say make yourself at home but..." Josh laughs, pressing his phone to his ear. „We're gonna eat on this table. You may want to put your feet back on the floor.”

When Josh disappears in the bathroom, Tyler starts flipping through tv channels while sipping his Red Bull. Fifteen minutes later, the shower stops and Tyler can hear Josh walking around the bathroom.

„Crap.” Josh says from behind the door. „Tyler? Would you mind to grab a pair of sweatpants from my room?”

„Not at all.” He puts the can on the table and throws the remote on the couch. He goes to Josh's bedroom and rummages through his wardrobe looking for sweatpants. 

A big black box catches his attention and he opens the lid. He gasps at the sight. There are clothes folded carefully at the bottom - woman's clothes. Blouses, skirts, a dress. His eyes widen and his cheeks start to burn when he pulls out a pair of black knickers and black lace stockings. There's a bag full of make-up, a few brushes and three bottles of nail polish.

„Holy shit.” He whispers to himself and quickly pulls out his phone. He takes a few photos of the box and its contents, closes the lid, grabs the first pair of sweatpants he finds and runs to the bathroom.

„What took you so long?”

„The last time I've been here, your sweatpants were at the bottom, not the highest shelf.” He shrugs.

„Oh. Maybe.” Josh says and the doorbell goes off. „Will you get that? It's probably our food.”

„Sure.”

\- - -

He sends pictures to Jenna. She calls him back immediately.

„Do you believe me now?” He asks quietly, walking out of the living room to the balcony when Josh busies himself with his daily drum practice.

„Maybe he has a girlfriend that he doesn't want us to know about?” Jenna suggests.

„The clothes are _his size_.”

„You checked?”

„Of course I did.”

Jenna falls silent on the other side of the line. For a moment they just breathe, thinking about the whole situation.

„Just don't say or do anything stupid.” She says finally.

„I don't even know what could I possibly say.” He sighs, staring at the street underneath. 

„Just... wait.”

„How long should I wait?”

„Until he tells you.”

„What if he never tells me?”

„You're his best friend. He will.”

\- - -

The meeting is slowly getting awkward. There are people at the opposite side of the table staring at him and tapping their pens against the dark brown wooden table. Tyler runs out of jokes to tell and nibbles on his bottom lip. He taps the screen of his phone again to check the time.

„He will come.” He assures. „There's probably traffic on the way.”

After five more minutes he excuses himself from the room and calls Josh again, pacing nervously back and forth in the hallway. He has already sent dozens of text, called Josh seven times and left three voice messages.

He takes a deep breath and peeks into the room again.

„Sorry. Sorry, I know it's kinda unprofessional of us but can we reschedule this meeting? It's not a Josh thing to do not to answer my calls or texts. I'm afraid something bad happened. I will go back to the hotel and check up on him.”

After one of the men nods his head, Tyler runs out of the building and hails a cab to the hotel. He runs to the third floor and knocks on Josh's room door. No one answers. He takes out his phone and dials the drummer’s number once again. He puts his ear against the door and listens. Josh's phone rings inside. Tyler ends the call and knocks loudly.

„Josh?” He shouts. „It's me, Tyler. Are you there?” He knocks again. „Josh, please.” He bangs the door with his fist and steps back. He grabs the doorknob, pushing it angrily and he gapes, finding out that it wasn't locked. 

He pushes the door open and steps inside. He looks around and notices Josh's phone lying abandoned on the bedside table. He walks further into the room until he reaches the bathroom door, twists the doorknob and takes a step forward. 

His heart stops at the sight. Josh sits on the bathroom floor with his back pressed against the wall. He has his knees pushed close to his chest and face hidden in his arms that are resting on top of his knees. He's dressed in nothing but his boxer briefs. The mirror is broken, there are different items of make up, brushes and shattered glass scattered on the floor. Something similar to a black dress hangs messily on the edge of the bathtub. Tyler takes a few careful steps closer, avoiding stepping on anything. He crouches down in front of Josh and puts his hand on his arm. The drummer flinches but doesn't move or reveal his face. Tyler sits down next to him, gently rubbing his shoulder. Even if he didn't know how to act before, he knows it now. 

„Can you look at me, please?” Tyler asks softly. Josh shakes his head and pushes his face further into his arms. „Okay. In your own time.”

Tyler continues rubbing his back while Josh shakes with sobs. Finally, after a few long minutes filled with nothing but the sound of weeping, Josh shifts. Then, he slowly lifts his head and turns to look at Tyler. He has a face full of make-up and even if it was applied carefully, tears and rubbing his face against his arms completely ruined it.

Tyler doesn't say anything. He just smiles reassuringly, puts his arm around Josh's shoulders and pulls him close. He kisses Josh's forehead and the drummer falls into his embrace, pushing his dirty face into the crook of Tyler's neck and tightly gripping his t-shirt. The new wave of tears floods his vision and heavy sobs shake his body.

„Your hand is bleeding. Can I take a look at it?” Tyler asks, looking at Josh's knuckles. The drummer moves his hand away out of Tyler’s reach. „Okay, okay. Later. It's okay. Can we at least move somewhere else? You're cold and shaking. Let's get you a blanket.” Tyler tries to stand up but Josh whimpers, shakes his head even harder and stops Tyler from leaving. „Okay.” The singer sighs and looks around. He reaches for the nearest dry towel and wraps it around Josh's trembling shoulders. „Hey. Don't cry.” Tyler kisses the top of his head. „There's no reason to cry.”

„There- there is.” Josh manages to say between hiccups. „I know you hate- hate me now and you will kick me- me out of the- the band and-”

„No, no, no. Wait.” Tyler cuts him off. „Why would I do that? What are you talking about?”

Josh pulls away and looks at Tyler. He points at his face.

„Because of this.” He says angrily. He snatches the dress from the edge of the bathtub. „And this. And this!” He kicks the item of make-up closest to his foot and the little tube of mascara rolls under the sink. „Look at me! I'm disgusting! What am I even doing? Dressing like a girl, playing with make-up. This is not normal and you know it! I'm a _fucking_ freak!” He yells the last sentence in Tyler's face and the singer’s eyes widen at the unexpected curse word. „I'm a freak.” He says again. „I ruined everything because of my stupid... doubts! I'm a _guy_ , for God’s sake, I shouldn't dare to think otherwise!”

„Josh...”

„Shut up!” He screams and falls into a crying fit again. „Shut up... I don't- don't want to hear it, I know what you're going to- to say.”

„Do you really?”

„Do- do I really what?” Josh looks at him and wipes his nose with the back of his hand.

„Do you really know what I'm going to say?”

„Yes.”

„What am I going to say, then?” Tyler insists but Josh turns the other way. He wipes his lips and snorts disgustingly when a smudge of pink lipstick stays on his hand. Tyler crawls around him so he can look at his face again. He shifts as close as he possibly can and takes Josh's cheeks between his hands. „I'm gonna talk now. And you're going to listen. And you're gonna look me in the eyes the whole time because you need to understand every single thing I say. Do I make myself clear?” He asks. Josh swallows nervously but nods. „Good. I need you to answer me something first. Do you feel like a girl, Josh?” The drummer blushes and drops his gaze. „None of that. I told you to look me in the eyes.”

„Sometimes.” He whispers, looking back up at Tyler. „Sometimes I wake up and feel like... like a boy, like _myself_ and sometimes I feel like this...” He motions to his body. „...is a one big mistake.”

„What else?”

„I don't know. I just… I like things. For girls. I like wearing them.” He says but then slaps Tyler's hands away. „This is so stupid! Do you hear how stupid it sounds? I'm a freak, I'm a freak, I'm-”

„You're Josh.” Tyler says calmly. „You're Josh Dun. Born and raised in Ohio. Drummer of the coolest band on the planet. Best friend of the coolest guy on the planet. Clothes...” He points to the abandoned dress. „...have no gender. Make-up...” He boops Josh on the nose. „...has no gender. Nail polish...” He takes Josh's hand and laces their fingers together. „...has no gender. If you feel like a boy, that's great. If you feel like a girl, awesome. If you feel like a freaking anteater, brilliant. I will support you all the way. This is your body, Josh. And you can do whatever the heck you want with it. You can wear whatever you like and no one has any right to tell you otherwise, okay?” Tyler asks, tilting Josh's chin up. „Boy, girl, trans, gender-fluid, drag queen... I don't care. If you want me to use different pronouns while addressing you, that's fine. Just be yourself and do whatever feels right. No matter what people say. Be happy. When you are happy, I'm happy too.”

„So you're not kicking me out?”

„God, help me.” Tyler sighs.

„But I'm a f-”

„Freaking amazing drummer. Yes. Try to call yourself something other than that and I will slap you in the face with my ukulele.”

„Tyler. _Tyler_.” Josh sobs and throws himself at the singer who immediately pulls him into a hug. 

„Did you really think so low of me? That I would judge you? That I would just stop being your friend because of this?”

„I'm sorry. I'm sorry.” He says. „I was- I still am… So scared. And so ashamed.”

„Don't be. There's absolutely nothing wrong with you. Nothing.” Tyler strokes the back of Josh's neck. „Will you let me look at your hand now? Your finger is still bleeding.” 

„It's nothing.”

„I'll be the judge of that.” Tyler says, pulling away from Josh and standing up. He picks up a small towel and soaks it under warm water. He cleans Josh's hand and face, carefully removing all the remains of make-up. He goes back to the bedroom, finds a pair of clean pajamas in Josh's bag and helps him put it on. 

„It's two in the afternoon.”

„Perfect time to wear pajamas then.” He says and leads the drummer to bed. „Careful, there's glass everywhere.”

„Look at this mess.” Josh sighs.

„You're a beautiful mess.” Tyler smirks.

„I was talking about the floor, you bastard.” Josh smiles for the first time since Tyler found him in the bathroom.

„Under the covers you go. Try to rest. Get some sleep. I'll clean it up.”

He closes the curtains and goes back to the bathroom to clean everything. He throws away the sharp pieces of the shattered mirror and puts Josh's make-up in a small make-up bag he finds next to the bathtub. He takes a deep breath. When he comes back to the room, Josh is still awake. He lies there, staring at the ceiling. Tyler sits down at the edge of the mattress and Josh turns his head to look at him.

„Will you lie down with me?”

„Of course.” Tyler says, takes off his jeans and slides under the covers in his t-shirt and boxers. They lie face to face and Tyler pushes Josh's fringe off his forehead. „Wanna tell me what happened to the mirror?”

„I forgot myself.” Josh admits quietly. „I was excited about the meeting and signing another contract. I felt happy and I started to get ready and when I snapped out of it, I already had the dress on and I was finishing putting the lipstick on. And then I _remembered_.” Josh sighs. „I got angry at myself. I got frustrated and I felt so lonely and scared, and all the emotions took over. So I punched myself. I mean, my reflection. In the mirror. I suddenly got aware that I can't show myself in public wearing... what I wanted to wear.” He closes his eyes and sighs calmly when Tyler starts to stroke his cheek. 

„We have to pay for the damage.”

„I know.” Josh nods. Then, his eyes open wide and he sits up abruptly. „Oh my God. Oh my God! The meeting!”

„Calm down.” Tyler says, pushing him back against the pillows. „Relax. It's rescheduled.”

„I'm sorry.”

„It's okay.”

„It's not.”

„It is.” Tyler scoots closer and cradles Josh against his chest. „It's okay. It is and it will be okay. This doesn't change anything.” He rests his chin on top of Josh's head. „Now, seriously, try to get some sleep. You seem exhausted. We will talk more about everything later, okay?”

„Okay.”

„Jenna will be so excited though. She will finally have someone who doesn't get bored of dress or make-up shopping.”

Josh giggles.

„Thank you.”

„You don't have to thank me for anything.” Tyler smiles. „You're alright, love. You'll be alright.”


End file.
